Tweet
==261004
JOHN PEEL HAS CEASED. Godspeed Peely. You are missed already.
No, i haven`t crashed it yet. Stop Asking. Right, now, For those that can play Unreal Tournament 2003, there is a server on your Browser starting with ".:ei:.", well, this is our secret sneaky server for the game, and you are welcome anytime.. Just remember to change your Playername to include "[ei]" at the start if you want priviliges
I changed the Format of the SHOWS too - from the most recent show, it now supports 28.8k Diallup, 56k Diallup and Broadband too - so you can check it out now on even the slowest connection! This pushed the "direct" download up by about 25% in size, but it means our good friends on Analogue Exchanges can listen Live (..big shout to DJ7 currently languishing in a maximum sucurity faculity in Australia's Outback..)
Think i feel my Country & Western Phaze coming on now.. Yes.. Defiantly. Prepare to be very confused! remember, in the desert, Nobody can see you shrug!
==221004
Right. So. Seems There is a fab new collection of scriptKiddY toolZ out, and there is an abundance of Port-bashing and trojan filth going on.. You may have noticed the web bieng a bit sluggish lately.. This probably has something to do with Playthatbeat.net going titZup this week, or maybe not.. There's a backup there now, so you can try for TAIP again.. and It`s looking like all the Unreal Server Is gone
meaning i have to look at putting it all back up again, and that isn`t going to happen untill the weekend is through.. maybe saturday.. i dunno.. Speaking of Saturday, i'm playing in Milford CoDonegal, as it`s a bank holiday.. So dewDroPinn if you are north-westwise..
Now, to serious business. Apparently, the first Naked Breast shown on Irish Television is under threat of bieng forgotton about. I refer to the Sacred Episode of THE SPIKE from about 300 years ago.. What is THE SPIKE? Ask your Crusty Mates. It`s an Incident that they have tried to erase from our history books, but i assure you IT HAPPEND. Copies of Vatican Internal Memos from the day have recently fallen into the hands of a collector (billy idol actually..) in america, and they directly discuss the "falling into shite.." of the Irish State, Due, apparently to a Home-Grown TV Soap Set in a Women's Prison, that was apparently more interesting then going to mass! Suggestions were put foward that mass may have to be re-jigged to incorporate soft porn and innuendo to keep bums on seats, as had previously been sucessfull in Italy where "tittymass" as it was known, had been a roaring success, and in England where "carryonmass" was packing churches accross the land with drunks and men in brown raincoats.. Anyway, this historical Uproar is due a revival, so START TALKING ABOUT IT!
==201004
Playthatbeat.net has been down since shortly after i made TAIP public - sorry about this, i have contacted the hosts, and it should be seen to soonor or later.. This Messes with our Unreal 2003 server too, since the redirect is to Playthatbeat as well.. so apologies to the players getting Invalid/refused file requests, we are working on it Guess TAIP is a popular choice..
For those of you that Play Unreal Tournament 2003, look out for us on your browser - you cannot miss our nodes as they all begin with ".:[ei]:." as we are the only active Irish Servers AFAIK - give it a zing
I upped THINK ABOUT IT PLEASE to Playthatbeat.net /oldstuff tonight.. (hit the downloads button above..) Give it a look, and sorry for the delay (a year) - i had to go back and find the original DAT and it was a task! Enjoy.. Great memories of '94 in Dublin, or was it '9.. ehh.. ehatever.. for those that bought the vinyl back then, enjoy - this is a 192k MP3 - it`s as good as you are going to get - Straight Rip from 44.1k DAT to 24bit .WAV, and then to 192k MP3 baby.. iPod ready and all that arse.. Mmm.. there's a fine selection of the cream of the gear at the time on there.. REAL vocoders, Real Scratching (from DJmek) and serious old analogness abounding all over the shop.. Think this was in the middle of my "TR909 all the way" faze, so it's a bit 909y, but yeah, i actually still kinda like it to be honest.. It was the standout track on the DAT in fairness.. there were others there that mutated into different tracks, but they are all mostly horrible - like one good noise and a pisspoor everything else.. pity.. But SIXTH SEASON is there, and that is nice, although the name at the time was "5th season 2", and some early attempts at what became the todd terry EP thing, and something called "return to ringsend" which i daren't listen to.. jesus.. anyway.. enjoy..
==191004
Cars.. Yes, Cars. I never thought i'd care about cars - sure, i used to get impressed by Wide-Wheels, and TOP TRUMPS had a fine selection of metal AFAIK, but i really didn`t care much about cars.. Didn`t think i`d ever actually want a perticular model, or even buy one.. i kinda felt happy getting lifts everywhere, and borrowing my Mother's car when i needed to "practice".. somehow, i managed to get fulltime access to a car - something to do with some write-off or other - for a few glorious years untill it siezed because i didn`t know i had to put water and oil into it as well as petrol.. (sigh) amazing i got about 3 years out of a single Oil Change and Water TopUp before it spewed Black smoke and locked up.. That was a volvo 340, well, a 343 with the back end of a 340.. And it was great fun.. We went EVERYWHERE in it.. Man what a skip it was.. and a deathtrap.. So i ended up with a Dirty big Celica the last 4 years.. bought From New (what was i thinking????) and i have been very happy with it.. Dressing it up was a slow process,as it was a new design of car, and aftermarket parts were just not out there.. I searched for months, and slowly, mods started appearing.. I managed a handfull of personal touches Before i said goodbye.. and i have to say it was a VERY nice motor. Seriously.. It felt really perky, sounded astonishing, and i just loved driving it.. Someone pointed out that if you climb into a shitbox every morning to go to work, you arrive grumpy, but if you slip into a nice sexy motor, you arrive feeling MUCH better.. I have to agree.. The right car can set you up for the day! Look at Arnie - Drives a 2004 Hummer and he's Doing well for himself, while the likes of Saddam Who is very down on his luck lately drives a 1991 Subaru Signet.. What's more, i can prove that the car came BEFORE the Success/Failure.. In fact, Saddam freely admits he should have never gone near that signet, and would probabaly still be in office if he'd gone for a Forrester, or an Impreza, or even a Legacy 5-door People Carrier..
Anyway.. you know those things that people become famous for talking about, and never actually doing? Like "..i'm looking into setting up a club/shop/server as soon as i get my compo/cert./degree.." and so on? And isn`t it amazing how this talk surfaces in the hours of calmness and reflection, and isn`t it typical that this all comes about over and over again as if the Orator and Audience all have memorys like goldfish? Now, don`t get me wrong, i`m not knocking dreaming and scheme sessions, as they are the mother of all invention (..that,and trying to impress girls of coarse!), but i really don`t have time for people who go on and on about an idea, and never actually do it, and recently, i had nearly become one.. oh yes i had.. I know i could actually get away with it for years, as i have a track record of bieng one of the people that doensn't just TALK, but actually does things, and sees them to their logical destruction/conclusion - just look at the way i interfere with the music industry, and mess with the media & broadcasting system in this country - and don`t forget my sucessfull escort-agancy for elephants in S.Africa (about to become a PLC i might add..) Yes, i could just retire from bieng a DOer, and safely become a WAFFLEr, and as long as i keep up the mystery, i'd retain my dignity.. Alas, bullshitting about what car you are going to get next is not acceptable in certain circles after the 50th time you say it, and it was inevitable i would actually have to DO it sooner or later.. So, It happend. I did it. After 6 months arseing around, i am now the lucky pilot of a Nissan Skyline R33GTs25T/m. I wanted a Skyline even before i'd ever seen a picture of one. Yes, you read that right. Why? well, it came to me in a dream actually, and controlling one in a VideoGame only whetted my appitite more - that grainy Raster representation of an R32GT-R was such a tease! I had seen real Subaru, and Cossies and so on, so by comparing them to the VideoGame Versions, i knew the REAL skyline was going to be awesome.. The first one i saw in the metal was bought by a friend after years in a Clio Williams, it was a non-turbo r32, and it looked amazing and drove beautifully, if not a little sluggishly... He moved it on as soon as he could, and got a mad Crazy WRX - which was stolen and stripped and was the kick in the bollocks my m8 needed to end his fancy-car phaze.. ah well.. I reckon if he'd gone for a better Skyline, he'd never have needed to get the WRX, and then would never have ended up in a bleeding Range-Rover!!! So. I did it.. and here's the Blow-By-Blow!
First off, i had to secure a buyer for the Bratmobile (a Mk.7 Celica - Blue LCD Dash Conversion, AC Gagues, TDM Shortshifter, HKS Springs, Black Widow 17-inch Alloys, TRD Decals and Watermarks, Lazer Exhaust, Injen CAI Intake, <40k on the clock, never crashed, blah blah..) Which took a while - alot of Spoofers and messers on the Person2person trail - so i went for a dealer, and was happy to drop the asking price to suit.. So, a deal was struck, and i started getting Specific on the asses of people with Skylines for sale in Ireland.. I scoured all the weeklys and periodicals, and even a few dailys for the car of my dream, and got close, very close, to the one in Waterford, only to find it sold, and a horrible 6 week wait for another one.. Now, as we all know, 6 weeks is the dealer/importer's estimate, and when you take into account Global Fluctuation, the Cost of Sushi, and the Strength of the Easter-Island Groat, this 6 weeks can quickly become 250,000 years, and i don`t have that long.. And another thing, if a car is brought in JUST for me, i have to pay a deposit, and then the thing might be a sack of shit when it gets here - how can i tell? i`m not going to fly to Japan to fuc*ing Check am i? I don`t want it THAT badly.. So, after a few more calls, i realised i was screwed. My car sold (but thanks to the mellow attitude of Steven at Deerpark motars, i didn`t have to move it on immediatly - i had a week or 2 to get sorted with new wheels..) and no sign of a nice tidy, safe, non-raped Skyline ANYWHERE on the island! What could i do, except hit the internet and look.. The auction houses in Japan were totally nuts - i have very limited japanese script knowledge, so getting by on guesses was not for me.. it had to be a euro source.. at least then i had a hope of seeing the car before parting with my life.. Luckily the Good Folk at JAPANESE PERFORMANCE magazine in the UK know things, and i soon got hooked up with a photo of my new mail-order bride thanks to the futurautos.co.uk crew who advertise in the Mag.. They had a totally standard R33gts, from 1996.. New Body shape (yummy!) and importantly, not a GT-R, and not messed-with in the slightest.. Now, i want to use this as my CAR.. not as a Pace-car on a race track, not as a dragster, a fecking car, that is all.. So i really don`t want it any madder then the factory intended.. I will leave that to someone else thank you very much..I really don`t have the time to get into it as well - because once you change one thing, then the lot has to go - like dominos - to support the previous modification! Okay, maybe when i retire, or need the stress, but not now - let`s just get the fuc*er, and make it legal, because that alone is going to be a challange of a lifetime!
Right, so, car found.. time to switch to Paranoia Mode. The AA, RAC and Carcheck were all fed the details of the car (it`s english reg plate and so on..) and it came up clean - so at least it`s officially not crashed, resprayed or robbed, has an MOT and has no outstanding finance or whatever.. in fact, according to the system, it had been imported this may, and sat unsold since.. Good. I like that. I rang the Lads at Futurautos to get the story straight, and its all pretty transparant to me.. Looks like i may have a winner! Now, before i go on, i must state they weren`t the only people i contacted abroad - but they were the only one's to respond favourably.. Others just ignored me, or did worse on Customer satisfaction searches on the newsgroups i trust.. So, i now had to jump the Insurance hurdle.. I phoned my Favorite Insurance Unit, who had rescued me from rip-off alley with the celica 4 years ago, and she confirmed what i had discovered on the Insurance Company's Internet Quote-genny - the quote was good, VERY good. Comparable to the Celica! This was probably because the Skyline was Double the age of the Celica, and therefore worth about a quarter as much..But as we will see later, not ACTUALLY so.. Right, so what is left? Oh shite, the VRT.. Okay.. so i hit the REVENUE COMMISIONER's Website, and used their very handy VRT calculator.. Right, they value it at under 8 grand, so the VRT is about 2ish.. That's acceptable.. Not in the slightest bit FAIR, but acceptable. So what have i forgotten? Mmm.. Tax?well, that will be horrendous, but i am used to that with the celica in fairness.. So, time to get the crew motivated for the ROAD TRIP! Oh yes, they were all shocked and amazed, and very enthusiastic about the project, but as soon as it came about that we had to GO somewhere, and DO something, it all fell apart.. Now, there were some vague plans to do the run equipped with MiniDV cameras, and to combine with the picking up of a 1975 Porsche 911 that a member of the crew is almost buying in London.. Making it a very interesting prospect indeed.. 4 People over to Gatwick, then trains to Folkestone (to get the Skyline) then a burn up to Camden for the Porsche, where the team would split into 2 pairs, and head north, staying overnight, to meet up with Some PetrolHeads for a writeUp or 8 the next day - YES actually doing some work while we were over there, i know, i know.. But then after watching SMOKEY & THE BANDIT and GETAWAY IN STOCKHOLM 4, the plan went a bit messy.
Using the Firmware Update for a ROAD ANGEL and then the AA routeplanner at theaa.com, our general plotted a course to ensure we passed by the maximum number of Gatsos Possible on our long, long journey.. South-east Coast of the UK, right up through the Jaxi, and out at Liverpool for the Ferry - Yeah, we could go for the World Team Record "Most unresolved speeding Fines in 24 hours" as we'd have the DV to prove it all, and the Plates would be Coming off the cars when we got them home thanks to our good friend the VRT.. All we needed was Cowboy hats, CB-Radios (real AM CBs, not that crappy UK/EU FM CB crap, or those horrible mini Walkie-Talkies.. i`m taking real solid american Chrome and False-Wood Finish here.. DAWN OF THE DEAD trucker stylee.. And nothing too fancy neither.. a Krako, or a Stalker perhaps.. or maybe an Unmodified President..), A Large Container-Truck full of Booze/Tobacco/Rare Amazonian Hardwood/Old Juke-Box 7-inch Singles and Goldie Hawn, and we could make us a VERY funny Movie.. Oh, and get into lots and lots and lots of trouble indeed.. It was when we got to Making the 2 teams compete with a points system that it got messy though.. 1 for a Gatso Flash, 2 for a pulling - with 1 point deducted for not dealing with the pulling withing 20 minutes, and total Disqualification for having an accident.. The element of competition Zizzed things up a bit, as the local Recreational Bookmaking Community all took the thing on board, and Odds were offered on various aspects of the Trip: Will they miss a flight or commection? (all on seperate ones BTW for security purposes) Will they solve the puzzle of the British Public Transport System? Will the cars make it to the port? Will they Miss the Boat? Will they get arrested? Who will win? Now, remember , this isn`t a RACE.. it`s a Points-gathering excercise, so the fact that the cars are a 911 and a Skyline just makes it all the more Naughty and interesting.. They both drink petrol, and are both fancy cars - so it`s a bit of a no-brainer that we COULD go through the cameras sideways with our arses out the windows (as you do) at 100MPH, but there is really no need, just speed limit +15% (i am told they are set at this, or slightly less), in a straight line will be enough to get the message accross, and make sure the flash is caught on Video.. (we can always speed it up in the edit suite afterwards apparently "KNIGHT RIDER" stylee.. LoL)
Right..So.. Now we get to the REALITY of it all.I want to extend my personal Enuffing to Everyone that didn`t come with me. I ended up doing it on my own, without the stayover, and without the Movie-Script.. OF COARSE. Yeah, i know, it was a fun thought, and made us all laugh VERY hard indeed.. but As for Doing it, Nah.. Everyone had a different excuse, and before you say "too right.." i mean for just a straight "fetch and flee" mission they all dropped out.. Even the reserve and backup and double extra secret probation backup lined up all had valid excuses for having nothing to do with any of it.. Bah! Fu*k you all.. I am going on my own. I Checked the DART out properly, as i heard it goes to the airport now, and yes it does! Via Howth Junction Station and a shuttleBus.. Right.. I had to go through Gatwick, as it's nearest the Skyline, and then get 2 trains.. So BRITISH AIRWAYS or RYANAIR it is.. Oh god, RYANAIR is the one, and if i'd booked 2 weeks ago, it would have been 1.99eu + 38eu tax! But even with 2 days notice, they are <50quid.. Now, need to do the Southern Trains Timetable thing, and it`s doable - a Ryanair gets in at 2pm, then there are trains to the Car every 1/2 hour for a while.. Lovely.. Then it`s the boat.. Hmm.. no need to go to Liverpool aymore, i can go straight to HolyHead or Pembroke.. Pembroke has the best route (according to the AA routefinder), so i hit IRISH FERRIES website to check times and Prices.. Under 200 quid for a Car, Driver AND a luxary cabin (which i would need after getting up before 3pm that day, using Irish Public Transport, Flying Ryanair, Getting Grilled By UK Customs, Training alot, Then Doing the insane Big UK motarways for 6 hours, and then Enduring a Full-Cavity Search at the FerryPort Since it would be Midweek and i would be driving a "ghost" car), and a sailing at 2.45am - PERFECT if i collect the Skyline and am on the Road by 7pm.. Yes my Droogs, it was all coming together REAL horrorshow.. Except for the Annoying fact that this was all solo.. But i had a timelapse Camera all ready to go - and a mount to attach it to the rear-view mirror so i would capture the view from just infront of it showing the view behind, and the panoramic view out of the Front Window - Groovy! 99 shots timed to go off, 1 every 5 minutes.. so at least i would have some sort of "ship's log" when i am discovered drifting in space in 10,000 years time [First M8 to Captain: "..after studying the crude ship's log of it`s last voyage, it appears this vessel was some sort of Land-Cruising Device, propelled by harnessing the energy generated by burning dead things under pressure, and it`s in lovely fuc*ing nick.. i mean look at that engine bay, you could eat your space-rations off it.." Captain to first mate: "Looks like it Number one, but those tyres look awful big, what are they? 245/45? Shiiiit.. That'll be pricey.." (and so on..)]
So, On the morning in question, the defendant departed his gaff, and alighted the DART train service, purchasing a "get me to the Airport with no messing please" ticket, and sat to watch the blur.. Upon arrival at Howth Junction, He Followed the Crowd leaving the train, and walked with them up the platform, clambering over the scaffolding and general mayhem caused by "alterations" (for which there were plenty of apologies in sign form..) and soon found himself standing in the middle of an Industrial estate, absolutely NOTHING to do with the place you are supposed to get the fu*king buss to an Aerport.. A quick enquiry with the confident "follow us we look like we know where the exit is.." posse reveals "the place for the buss is by the ticket booth, at the train station, ehh, back that way.." (pointing) Ok, so there it is. I am Screwed ALREADY, as i have missed the Connecting feeder buss, and will have to wait for the next one. Right. So i gallop back up the path, along the station and past the ticket booth, to find the/a buss there, ready to rock.. OF COARSE i arrived For my Flight to find no Check In happening, as it closes 2 weeks ago, so after the initial, traditional Ryanair Queueing to but another ticket, i was on my Way.. an hour late, OF COARSE.
Out on the other side, onto the right train, and on to the changeover.. Flawless, on new train, listening to what little FM radio i can hear - BBC1 & 2, local KFM and Invicta FM.. god they are mellow down Kent way.. Drivetime and they are dropping "ordinary world" by Duran Duran! Hells Bells! Scratchy Garage Pirate down on 89ish, but it's playing a CD, with gaps between the tracks - nah.. Gimmie the Suicide Drive on Invicta.. Jesus they must either be so stressed here that this is the most they can handle on a wednesday, or they have it well easy.. Anyway, there was a nice elderlyish lady sitting across from me on the train, reading a book, so when i heard "pth..fmmftt.. dugdugdugaduga pfttchhch chkchk.." over the speaker system, i asked her to translate.. Apparently, they were on to me, and were splitting the train in half, with one half going to The arse of nowhere (calling at Snibly, Dibbleton, Nuffville, Dunno Central, Longway and Thingy) and the other half going to a Skyline. So, which bit is the Good bit then old doll? That one huh? And are you absolutely fuc*ing POSITIVE about that? Ok, i believe you - you are reading a book, so you are obviously a Pro. Right, i run back 4 carriages, and the train splits, and then (20 minutes late of coarse as it`s a train) we arrive safe and sound at The Arse OF Fuc*ing Nowhere. Oh yes. She Dicked Me. I KNEW i should have used my Arab or American Accent instead of the Irish One. Fuc*ing Bitc*cow from Hell on wheels i curse you. Luckily, just before i lost it completely and broke down in a blubbering mass of Skylineless jelly, i noticed someone had installed a bloke in a booth that Knew what the script was.. Wonderfull.. And he wasn`t a C*nt at ALL. No. He knew EXACTLY what had happend,and assured me there would be a train along in 30 minutes that would get me to Folkestone, without any messing whatsoever.. And he even gave me a nod when it pulled in - wonderfull! Faith restored, and HOW.. this train was COOL. Glossy, silent, super Luxary.. Robot Bitch telling you shit like where the hell you are, and what to expect next (if only...) And the Quality of Schoolgirl Getting on at regular intervals was definatly higher then the previous train full of Lying Basterds, Oh yes.. In fact they BLEW the last train right off the tracks.. Even the Old ladys were of a better class - reading thicker books that were less dog-eared.. Ah yes, this was the right move..
Upon Arrival in the right place, a quick jaunt to the secret location had me face2face with the motor.. Mmm.. Right.. Got out the tablecloth, put on the spuds and get ready.. Sure enough, it looked as promised, and sounded very happy, so i proceeded to ACTUALLY eat off the engine block, and was safely on my way up the A-somethingorother, hoping i didn`t have to do anything like Indicate or stop, as these were things i really couldn`t even start to work out how to do yet.. The phone was going a bit mad too - lot`s of "did you get it yet?" calls, as the texts had ceased as i was driving - and lots of me screaming "l8r" and hitting red as i really needed to concentrate on this very odd scene i was now a part of.. I wasn't in too much of a hurry, as i'd managed to leave by 7(ish), but this 3/4-lane messing is a bit much in the pissing rain, in a strange car, with no idea what is next.. I DID have the printout of the AA thingy, and it was telling me to take a certain exit and blah off the M25, so all i had to work out was how to read it without crashing - cos there certainly aint no stopping - oh no.. Of COASE i missed the exit - much to the glee of the Book back at base - where people were on the verge of a massive accumulator payout if i missed the boat - every messup so far had sent the odds of getting home as planned soaring, but this exit missing business was hyterical.. Luckily, i still had "phone-a-friend" and "ask the audience", so i do the Linkup with mission control, and ask for a re-route.. While the request is bieng dealt with, the calls are coming in thick and fast for people who's recreational finances are in thebalence - all either offering me advice, or tring to confuse me to ensure i get stranded.. too late - the real instructions get through on the Teleprinter in the boot (it is a skyline after all..) and while i`m having a shower after my swim in the pool, i examine them.. lovely.. I can cut back down and join the M4 and still be in with a chance of making the boat.. (cue:starsky and hutch music in my head, as the stereo is the standerd japanese one with no FM band, and all there is on AM is football, it HAD to be in my head..) So i pull onto the M4, and right alongside a bloke in a little Lotus, with his shirt and tie on.. Hmm.. He immediatly feels small and puny (cos he was) as decides to start bugging the guy in the massive Merc infront of him.. Why do people do that? I mean what is the point? It`s RAINIING you twat - everybody is ALREADY driving as fast as they possibly dare, so just fu*k off and grow up! Even if mr Merc DOES pull over and let you go ahead of him, there is someone else infront of him, and infront of him, and so on.. and like i said, tensions are high enough without this crap.. Luckily, his lotus was crap, and was easily enuffed.. He still had his Tie on FFS. (sigh) Anyway, Mr Merc was SOUND.. He knew exactly where to pick up pace, and where to calm down, and he led me all the way to Bristol! Savage! I had plenty of time to get relaxed, stop shaking, and all that nice stuff.. Got a round of Golf in on the HoloDeck ( i hate golf, but it`s a Japenese Import, so the Deck only Has Golf and Some strange game where you have to dance to make a girl take her clothes off, and the instructions were all in japanese..) and crossed that mad bridge and into deepest Wales, where the roadsigns make sense, and the people speak Welsh.. I learned all about the Welsh Word For "slow", as they like to paint it on their roads, and had a painless magic-carpet-on-rails ride to the Ferryport.. A nice touch was the brightly Coloured Police Van The Matrix Provided for us as a Pace-Car.. Doing a comfy 80 all the way, and real easy to see in the dark and rain.. And, i must add, the ONLY Police i saw on the entire trip! I Like those Odds! Now, one thing had been bugging me since I arrived in England that afternoon.. I hadn`t seen ANY decent cars at all, except in Folkestone of coarse.. All boring as hell, and then, as i was approaching the last town on the trail, i saw a Red Skyline Parked outside someone's gaff! Yay! Ah well.. So we all queue for the boat in rows, as you do, and eventually, stiff as a board, and feeling the night closing in on me, i am ushered into the tunnel so the Customs can put a stop to this nonsense once and for all! They already had a BMW with a skinny lad looking pissed off standing next to it, and a modified HotHatch waiting in the wings with 3 youngsters looking whitefaced inside it lined up for the Spanish Inquisition (nobody expects.. etc..), but i was definatly favorite for first go.. In fact, most of the officers present gathered around for what SURELY was going to be an entertaining search.. Lots of pretending they didn`t know what kind of car it was and so on, and when they popped the boot, they got a bit of a shock - NOTHING. Not a sausage. Empty Car. Just me. VERY iffey you will agree... Luckily, the Lads at Futurautos had given me some brightly coloured pieces of paper, that the nice customs man liked the look of, and he went off to photocopy them, while i filled in a "token gesture card thing to keep you occupied while we run your details through the big database of robbed cars and dodgy blokes with irish accents" card.. Lovely, i was off the hook.. I imagine the lads just Faxed the lot to The port authoritys in Wexford, as i was officially THEIR problem now.. Luckily, everyone in ireland was in bed, so i got the "no news is good news" clearence, and was let on the boat, now re-catagorised from "WTF" to "SEP"..
Onto the boat, and it smelled like dead fish in the cargo area.. Very messy.. And the Last car to be allowed on? the HotHatch.. 3 people in it, young & tired and freaked.. Apparently the Customs went RIGHT through them (they were from the UK) looking for ***** we samosa'd, since there's very little else 3 young people in a hot-hatch would be doing going to Ireland at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday presumeably.. So i guess i could have had it alot worse in fairness - i could have had half of a nucleur power station, and the entire Chorusline at Minsky's stashed in the Skyline to be fair.. I guess they felt lucky.. Poor kids though, they looked freaked out.. I managed to get into my Cabin (eventually - i swear i thought those other ones were mine..) in time to catch KERRY vs. SPACECADET 3 finishing on TV.. Result! Satellite TV on a bleeding Boat! GOT to get me one of these. So, i did the sleep on the rollorcoaster thing, and then made a mess in the bathroom with the amazing Random Showerhead, and it was time to unload, and time to discover the joys of The N11 first thing in the morning.. I have to say, AM Radio is very relaxing at that time of the morning.. lots of people waffling and stuff.. very nice.. very calming.. I managed not to fall asleep, and then not to crash as a result, and soon pulled up at the bratcave into the place the celica used to sit.. Right. Got away with it. Okay, well, not totally.. there were MAJOR complications with the insurance.. but nothing that a bit of reason couldn`t fix.. I Knew the quote i had got was too good to be true, and of coarse, when something is too good to be true, it is ALWAYS too good to be true.. So, All that is left to do is VRT it, Tax it and then drive it.. I won`t tell you the total cost, but it was cheaper then anyone i could find in ireland, and it was IMHO a cleaner car, AND i didn`t have to cross my fingers and hope some mystery machine arrived from Japan in driveable condition - this one had come from someone that had already been through it, and at least knew the measure of it.. Not that the importers here wouldn`t take care of you too, it`s just they didn`t have anything for me HERE, and i want nothing to do with something that may be a crock of shit.. I did think about going Private Sale on all this, but i couldn`t see myself test-co-piloting people here, and meeting some bloke somewhere in Europe.. nah, i needed dealers, they tend to value their reputations, and take pride in their work on occation, so there's more chance of getting a runner.. Anyway, if it`s a lemon, we can Spray it Yellow and drift it on weekends
==071004
http://www.mrspring.net/evolution.jpg
Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.
TX:17-09-2004
22.00-00.00
*dirty vegas / walking into the sun (EMI 12rdjx 6647) [reload]
*danzel / pump it up (data 75p2) www.datarecords.co.uk [lock]
*linus loves / night music (breastfed bfd011)
*flash brothers / amen (dogzilla mix) (direction xpr3775a)
*thomas schumacher / tainted schall (superstar b408850) www.superstar.ag
*tom neville / just fu*k (umm 0555panuk)
*electronic Battle weapon 7 (chemsdj20) [happy peak]
*scissor sisters / mary (polydor snip18) www.scissorsisters.com
*dj duro & the prophet / not e-nuff (scantraxx 014) www.scantraxx.com
*double concept / one day (overdose dmddose 128) www.overdose.de
*lab 2 / I miss you (green martian gm-2003-59)
*ampire / afterglow (overdose dmddose 127)
*monocore / kisses of fire (pulse 087)
*active sight / out of our lives (captivating sounds cvsa014)
*re:locate / typhoon (galactive galso 008)
*dj dick / weekend (low spirit 12yobrt17)
Stats: 1:2 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 2 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week
Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.
TX:24-09-2004
22.00-00.00
*electronic Battle weapon 7 (chemsdj20) [reload]
*depeche mode / enjoy the silence (mute pl12bong34)
*danzel / pump it up (data 75p2) www.datarecords.co.uk
*tom neville / just fu*k (umm 0555panuk)
*scissor sisters / mary (polydor snip18) www.scissorsisters.com
*airwave / last flight to ghia (bonzai btp-105-2005)
*dirty vegas / walking into the sun (EMI 12rdjx 6647)
*bossanova / stone cold (tatsumaki tats1705) www.purple-eye.com
*svenson / the devil's LSD (id&t 7007975) [happy peak]
*monocore / kisses of fire (pulse 087)
*warmduscher vs. DJ hellraiser / devil fish (tracid traxxx ttx2051) www.tracidtraxxx.de
*dj duro & the prophet / not e-nuff (scantraxx 014) www.scantraxx.com
*dj paro & blutonium boy / floorkilla (blutonium blu083 )
*bazztard / welcome to hell (fette basse fb006) www.musicmail.de
*armin vs. M.I.K.E. / intruder (armind armd1009)
*hardfloor / lost in the silver box (harthouse UKCD001)
Stats: 1:1 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 1 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week
JOHN PEEL HAS CEASED. Godspeed Peely. You are missed already.
No, i haven`t crashed it yet. Stop Asking. Right, now, For those that can play Unreal Tournament 2003, there is a server on your Browser starting with ".:ei:.", well, this is our secret sneaky server for the game, and you are welcome anytime.. Just remember to change your Playername to include "[ei]" at the start if you want priviliges
I changed the Format of the SHOWS too - from the most recent show, it now supports 28.8k Diallup, 56k Diallup and Broadband too - so you can check it out now on even the slowest connection! This pushed the "direct" download up by about 25% in size, but it means our good friends on Analogue Exchanges can listen Live (..big shout to DJ7 currently languishing in a maximum sucurity faculity in Australia's Outback..)
Think i feel my Country & Western Phaze coming on now.. Yes.. Defiantly. Prepare to be very confused! remember, in the desert, Nobody can see you shrug!
==221004
Right. So. Seems There is a fab new collection of scriptKiddY toolZ out, and there is an abundance of Port-bashing and trojan filth going on.. You may have noticed the web bieng a bit sluggish lately.. This probably has something to do with Playthatbeat.net going titZup this week, or maybe not.. There's a backup there now, so you can try for TAIP again.. and It`s looking like all the Unreal Server Is gone
meaning i have to look at putting it all back up again, and that isn`t going to happen untill the weekend is through.. maybe saturday.. i dunno.. Speaking of Saturday, i'm playing in Milford CoDonegal, as it`s a bank holiday.. So dewDroPinn if you are north-westwise.. Now, to serious business. Apparently, the first Naked Breast shown on Irish Television is under threat of bieng forgotton about. I refer to the Sacred Episode of THE SPIKE from about 300 years ago.. What is THE SPIKE? Ask your Crusty Mates. It`s an Incident that they have tried to erase from our history books, but i assure you IT HAPPEND. Copies of Vatican Internal Memos from the day have recently fallen into the hands of a collector (billy idol actually..) in america, and they directly discuss the "falling into shite.." of the Irish State, Due, apparently to a Home-Grown TV Soap Set in a Women's Prison, that was apparently more interesting then going to mass! Suggestions were put foward that mass may have to be re-jigged to incorporate soft porn and innuendo to keep bums on seats, as had previously been sucessfull in Italy where "tittymass" as it was known, had been a roaring success, and in England where "carryonmass" was packing churches accross the land with drunks and men in brown raincoats.. Anyway, this historical Uproar is due a revival, so START TALKING ABOUT IT!
==201004
Playthatbeat.net has been down since shortly after i made TAIP public - sorry about this, i have contacted the hosts, and it should be seen to soonor or later.. This Messes with our Unreal 2003 server too, since the redirect is to Playthatbeat as well.. so apologies to the players getting Invalid/refused file requests, we are working on it
Guess TAIP is a popular choice.. For those of you that Play Unreal Tournament 2003, look out for us on your browser - you cannot miss our nodes as they all begin with ".:[ei]:." as we are the only active Irish Servers AFAIK - give it a zing
I upped THINK ABOUT IT PLEASE to Playthatbeat.net /oldstuff tonight.. (hit the downloads button above..) Give it a look, and sorry for the delay (a year) - i had to go back and find the original DAT and it was a task! Enjoy.. Great memories of '94 in Dublin, or was it '9.. ehh.. ehatever.. for those that bought the vinyl back then, enjoy - this is a 192k MP3 - it`s as good as you are going to get - Straight Rip from 44.1k DAT to 24bit .WAV, and then to 192k MP3 baby.. iPod ready and all that arse.. Mmm.. there's a fine selection of the cream of the gear at the time on there.. REAL vocoders, Real Scratching (from DJmek) and serious old analogness abounding all over the shop.. Think this was in the middle of my "TR909 all the way" faze, so it's a bit 909y, but yeah, i actually still kinda like it to be honest.. It was the standout track on the DAT in fairness.. there were others there that mutated into different tracks, but they are all mostly horrible - like one good noise and a pisspoor everything else.. pity.. But SIXTH SEASON is there, and that is nice, although the name at the time was "5th season 2", and some early attempts at what became the todd terry EP thing, and something called "return to ringsend" which i daren't listen to.. jesus.. anyway.. enjoy..
==191004
Cars.. Yes, Cars. I never thought i'd care about cars - sure, i used to get impressed by Wide-Wheels, and TOP TRUMPS had a fine selection of metal AFAIK, but i really didn`t care much about cars.. Didn`t think i`d ever actually want a perticular model, or even buy one.. i kinda felt happy getting lifts everywhere, and borrowing my Mother's car when i needed to "practice".. somehow, i managed to get fulltime access to a car - something to do with some write-off or other - for a few glorious years untill it siezed because i didn`t know i had to put water and oil into it as well as petrol.. (sigh) amazing i got about 3 years out of a single Oil Change and Water TopUp before it spewed Black smoke and locked up.. That was a volvo 340, well, a 343 with the back end of a 340.. And it was great fun.. We went EVERYWHERE in it.. Man what a skip it was.. and a deathtrap.. So i ended up with a Dirty big Celica the last 4 years.. bought From New (what was i thinking????) and i have been very happy with it.. Dressing it up was a slow process,as it was a new design of car, and aftermarket parts were just not out there.. I searched for months, and slowly, mods started appearing.. I managed a handfull of personal touches Before i said goodbye.. and i have to say it was a VERY nice motor. Seriously.. It felt really perky, sounded astonishing, and i just loved driving it.. Someone pointed out that if you climb into a shitbox every morning to go to work, you arrive grumpy, but if you slip into a nice sexy motor, you arrive feeling MUCH better.. I have to agree.. The right car can set you up for the day! Look at Arnie - Drives a 2004 Hummer and he's Doing well for himself, while the likes of Saddam Who is very down on his luck lately drives a 1991 Subaru Signet.. What's more, i can prove that the car came BEFORE the Success/Failure.. In fact, Saddam freely admits he should have never gone near that signet, and would probabaly still be in office if he'd gone for a Forrester, or an Impreza, or even a Legacy 5-door People Carrier..
Anyway.. you know those things that people become famous for talking about, and never actually doing? Like "..i'm looking into setting up a club/shop/server as soon as i get my compo/cert./degree.." and so on? And isn`t it amazing how this talk surfaces in the hours of calmness and reflection, and isn`t it typical that this all comes about over and over again as if the Orator and Audience all have memorys like goldfish? Now, don`t get me wrong, i`m not knocking dreaming and scheme sessions, as they are the mother of all invention (..that,and trying to impress girls of coarse!), but i really don`t have time for people who go on and on about an idea, and never actually do it, and recently, i had nearly become one.. oh yes i had.. I know i could actually get away with it for years, as i have a track record of bieng one of the people that doensn't just TALK, but actually does things, and sees them to their logical destruction/conclusion - just look at the way i interfere with the music industry, and mess with the media & broadcasting system in this country - and don`t forget my sucessfull escort-agancy for elephants in S.Africa (about to become a PLC i might add..) Yes, i could just retire from bieng a DOer, and safely become a WAFFLEr, and as long as i keep up the mystery, i'd retain my dignity.. Alas, bullshitting about what car you are going to get next is not acceptable in certain circles after the 50th time you say it, and it was inevitable i would actually have to DO it sooner or later.. So, It happend. I did it. After 6 months arseing around, i am now the lucky pilot of a Nissan Skyline R33GTs25T/m. I wanted a Skyline even before i'd ever seen a picture of one. Yes, you read that right. Why? well, it came to me in a dream actually, and controlling one in a VideoGame only whetted my appitite more - that grainy Raster representation of an R32GT-R was such a tease! I had seen real Subaru, and Cossies and so on, so by comparing them to the VideoGame Versions, i knew the REAL skyline was going to be awesome.. The first one i saw in the metal was bought by a friend after years in a Clio Williams, it was a non-turbo r32, and it looked amazing and drove beautifully, if not a little sluggishly... He moved it on as soon as he could, and got a mad Crazy WRX - which was stolen and stripped and was the kick in the bollocks my m8 needed to end his fancy-car phaze.. ah well.. I reckon if he'd gone for a better Skyline, he'd never have needed to get the WRX, and then would never have ended up in a bleeding Range-Rover!!! So. I did it.. and here's the Blow-By-Blow!
First off, i had to secure a buyer for the Bratmobile (a Mk.7 Celica - Blue LCD Dash Conversion, AC Gagues, TDM Shortshifter, HKS Springs, Black Widow 17-inch Alloys, TRD Decals and Watermarks, Lazer Exhaust, Injen CAI Intake, <40k on the clock, never crashed, blah blah..) Which took a while - alot of Spoofers and messers on the Person2person trail - so i went for a dealer, and was happy to drop the asking price to suit.. So, a deal was struck, and i started getting Specific on the asses of people with Skylines for sale in Ireland.. I scoured all the weeklys and periodicals, and even a few dailys for the car of my dream, and got close, very close, to the one in Waterford, only to find it sold, and a horrible 6 week wait for another one.. Now, as we all know, 6 weeks is the dealer/importer's estimate, and when you take into account Global Fluctuation, the Cost of Sushi, and the Strength of the Easter-Island Groat, this 6 weeks can quickly become 250,000 years, and i don`t have that long.. And another thing, if a car is brought in JUST for me, i have to pay a deposit, and then the thing might be a sack of shit when it gets here - how can i tell? i`m not going to fly to Japan to fuc*ing Check am i? I don`t want it THAT badly.. So, after a few more calls, i realised i was screwed. My car sold (but thanks to the mellow attitude of Steven at Deerpark motars, i didn`t have to move it on immediatly - i had a week or 2 to get sorted with new wheels..) and no sign of a nice tidy, safe, non-raped Skyline ANYWHERE on the island! What could i do, except hit the internet and look.. The auction houses in Japan were totally nuts - i have very limited japanese script knowledge, so getting by on guesses was not for me.. it had to be a euro source.. at least then i had a hope of seeing the car before parting with my life.. Luckily the Good Folk at JAPANESE PERFORMANCE magazine in the UK know things, and i soon got hooked up with a photo of my new mail-order bride thanks to the futurautos.co.uk crew who advertise in the Mag.. They had a totally standard R33gts, from 1996.. New Body shape (yummy!) and importantly, not a GT-R, and not messed-with in the slightest.. Now, i want to use this as my CAR.. not as a Pace-car on a race track, not as a dragster, a fecking car, that is all.. So i really don`t want it any madder then the factory intended.. I will leave that to someone else thank you very much..I really don`t have the time to get into it as well - because once you change one thing, then the lot has to go - like dominos - to support the previous modification! Okay, maybe when i retire, or need the stress, but not now - let`s just get the fuc*er, and make it legal, because that alone is going to be a challange of a lifetime!
Right, so, car found.. time to switch to Paranoia Mode. The AA, RAC and Carcheck were all fed the details of the car (it`s english reg plate and so on..) and it came up clean - so at least it`s officially not crashed, resprayed or robbed, has an MOT and has no outstanding finance or whatever.. in fact, according to the system, it had been imported this may, and sat unsold since.. Good. I like that. I rang the Lads at Futurautos to get the story straight, and its all pretty transparant to me.. Looks like i may have a winner! Now, before i go on, i must state they weren`t the only people i contacted abroad - but they were the only one's to respond favourably.. Others just ignored me, or did worse on Customer satisfaction searches on the newsgroups i trust.. So, i now had to jump the Insurance hurdle.. I phoned my Favorite Insurance Unit, who had rescued me from rip-off alley with the celica 4 years ago, and she confirmed what i had discovered on the Insurance Company's Internet Quote-genny - the quote was good, VERY good. Comparable to the Celica! This was probably because the Skyline was Double the age of the Celica, and therefore worth about a quarter as much..But as we will see later, not ACTUALLY so.. Right, so what is left? Oh shite, the VRT.. Okay.. so i hit the REVENUE COMMISIONER's Website, and used their very handy VRT calculator.. Right, they value it at under 8 grand, so the VRT is about 2ish.. That's acceptable.. Not in the slightest bit FAIR, but acceptable. So what have i forgotten? Mmm.. Tax?well, that will be horrendous, but i am used to that with the celica in fairness.. So, time to get the crew motivated for the ROAD TRIP! Oh yes, they were all shocked and amazed, and very enthusiastic about the project, but as soon as it came about that we had to GO somewhere, and DO something, it all fell apart.. Now, there were some vague plans to do the run equipped with MiniDV cameras, and to combine with the picking up of a 1975 Porsche 911 that a member of the crew is almost buying in London.. Making it a very interesting prospect indeed.. 4 People over to Gatwick, then trains to Folkestone (to get the Skyline) then a burn up to Camden for the Porsche, where the team would split into 2 pairs, and head north, staying overnight, to meet up with Some PetrolHeads for a writeUp or 8 the next day - YES actually doing some work while we were over there, i know, i know.. But then after watching SMOKEY & THE BANDIT and GETAWAY IN STOCKHOLM 4, the plan went a bit messy.
Using the Firmware Update for a ROAD ANGEL and then the AA routeplanner at theaa.com, our general plotted a course to ensure we passed by the maximum number of Gatsos Possible on our long, long journey.. South-east Coast of the UK, right up through the Jaxi, and out at Liverpool for the Ferry - Yeah, we could go for the World Team Record "Most unresolved speeding Fines in 24 hours" as we'd have the DV to prove it all, and the Plates would be Coming off the cars when we got them home thanks to our good friend the VRT.. All we needed was Cowboy hats, CB-Radios (real AM CBs, not that crappy UK/EU FM CB crap, or those horrible mini Walkie-Talkies.. i`m taking real solid american Chrome and False-Wood Finish here.. DAWN OF THE DEAD trucker stylee.. And nothing too fancy neither.. a Krako, or a Stalker perhaps.. or maybe an Unmodified President..), A Large Container-Truck full of Booze/Tobacco/Rare Amazonian Hardwood/Old Juke-Box 7-inch Singles and Goldie Hawn, and we could make us a VERY funny Movie.. Oh, and get into lots and lots and lots of trouble indeed.. It was when we got to Making the 2 teams compete with a points system that it got messy though.. 1 for a Gatso Flash, 2 for a pulling - with 1 point deducted for not dealing with the pulling withing 20 minutes, and total Disqualification for having an accident.. The element of competition Zizzed things up a bit, as the local Recreational Bookmaking Community all took the thing on board, and Odds were offered on various aspects of the Trip: Will they miss a flight or commection? (all on seperate ones BTW for security purposes) Will they solve the puzzle of the British Public Transport System? Will the cars make it to the port? Will they Miss the Boat? Will they get arrested? Who will win? Now, remember , this isn`t a RACE.. it`s a Points-gathering excercise, so the fact that the cars are a 911 and a Skyline just makes it all the more Naughty and interesting.. They both drink petrol, and are both fancy cars - so it`s a bit of a no-brainer that we COULD go through the cameras sideways with our arses out the windows (as you do) at 100MPH, but there is really no need, just speed limit +15% (i am told they are set at this, or slightly less), in a straight line will be enough to get the message accross, and make sure the flash is caught on Video.. (we can always speed it up in the edit suite afterwards apparently "KNIGHT RIDER" stylee.. LoL)
Right..So.. Now we get to the REALITY of it all.I want to extend my personal Enuffing to Everyone that didn`t come with me. I ended up doing it on my own, without the stayover, and without the Movie-Script.. OF COARSE. Yeah, i know, it was a fun thought, and made us all laugh VERY hard indeed.. but As for Doing it, Nah.. Everyone had a different excuse, and before you say "too right.." i mean for just a straight "fetch and flee" mission they all dropped out.. Even the reserve and backup and double extra secret probation backup lined up all had valid excuses for having nothing to do with any of it.. Bah! Fu*k you all.. I am going on my own. I Checked the DART out properly, as i heard it goes to the airport now, and yes it does! Via Howth Junction Station and a shuttleBus.. Right.. I had to go through Gatwick, as it's nearest the Skyline, and then get 2 trains.. So BRITISH AIRWAYS or RYANAIR it is.. Oh god, RYANAIR is the one, and if i'd booked 2 weeks ago, it would have been 1.99eu + 38eu tax! But even with 2 days notice, they are <50quid.. Now, need to do the Southern Trains Timetable thing, and it`s doable - a Ryanair gets in at 2pm, then there are trains to the Car every 1/2 hour for a while.. Lovely.. Then it`s the boat.. Hmm.. no need to go to Liverpool aymore, i can go straight to HolyHead or Pembroke.. Pembroke has the best route (according to the AA routefinder), so i hit IRISH FERRIES website to check times and Prices.. Under 200 quid for a Car, Driver AND a luxary cabin (which i would need after getting up before 3pm that day, using Irish Public Transport, Flying Ryanair, Getting Grilled By UK Customs, Training alot, Then Doing the insane Big UK motarways for 6 hours, and then Enduring a Full-Cavity Search at the FerryPort Since it would be Midweek and i would be driving a "ghost" car), and a sailing at 2.45am - PERFECT if i collect the Skyline and am on the Road by 7pm.. Yes my Droogs, it was all coming together REAL horrorshow.. Except for the Annoying fact that this was all solo.. But i had a timelapse Camera all ready to go - and a mount to attach it to the rear-view mirror so i would capture the view from just infront of it showing the view behind, and the panoramic view out of the Front Window - Groovy! 99 shots timed to go off, 1 every 5 minutes.. so at least i would have some sort of "ship's log" when i am discovered drifting in space in 10,000 years time [First M8 to Captain: "..after studying the crude ship's log of it`s last voyage, it appears this vessel was some sort of Land-Cruising Device, propelled by harnessing the energy generated by burning dead things under pressure, and it`s in lovely fuc*ing nick.. i mean look at that engine bay, you could eat your space-rations off it.." Captain to first mate: "Looks like it Number one, but those tyres look awful big, what are they? 245/45? Shiiiit.. That'll be pricey.." (and so on..)]
So, On the morning in question, the defendant departed his gaff, and alighted the DART train service, purchasing a "get me to the Airport with no messing please" ticket, and sat to watch the blur.. Upon arrival at Howth Junction, He Followed the Crowd leaving the train, and walked with them up the platform, clambering over the scaffolding and general mayhem caused by "alterations" (for which there were plenty of apologies in sign form..) and soon found himself standing in the middle of an Industrial estate, absolutely NOTHING to do with the place you are supposed to get the fu*king buss to an Aerport.. A quick enquiry with the confident "follow us we look like we know where the exit is.." posse reveals "the place for the buss is by the ticket booth, at the train station, ehh, back that way.." (pointing) Ok, so there it is. I am Screwed ALREADY, as i have missed the Connecting feeder buss, and will have to wait for the next one. Right. So i gallop back up the path, along the station and past the ticket booth, to find the/a buss there, ready to rock.. OF COARSE i arrived For my Flight to find no Check In happening, as it closes 2 weeks ago, so after the initial, traditional Ryanair Queueing to but another ticket, i was on my Way.. an hour late, OF COARSE.
Out on the other side, onto the right train, and on to the changeover.. Flawless, on new train, listening to what little FM radio i can hear - BBC1 & 2, local KFM and Invicta FM.. god they are mellow down Kent way.. Drivetime and they are dropping "ordinary world" by Duran Duran! Hells Bells! Scratchy Garage Pirate down on 89ish, but it's playing a CD, with gaps between the tracks - nah.. Gimmie the Suicide Drive on Invicta.. Jesus they must either be so stressed here that this is the most they can handle on a wednesday, or they have it well easy.. Anyway, there was a nice elderlyish lady sitting across from me on the train, reading a book, so when i heard "pth..fmmftt.. dugdugdugaduga pfttchhch chkchk.." over the speaker system, i asked her to translate.. Apparently, they were on to me, and were splitting the train in half, with one half going to The arse of nowhere (calling at Snibly, Dibbleton, Nuffville, Dunno Central, Longway and Thingy) and the other half going to a Skyline. So, which bit is the Good bit then old doll? That one huh? And are you absolutely fuc*ing POSITIVE about that? Ok, i believe you - you are reading a book, so you are obviously a Pro. Right, i run back 4 carriages, and the train splits, and then (20 minutes late of coarse as it`s a train) we arrive safe and sound at The Arse OF Fuc*ing Nowhere. Oh yes. She Dicked Me. I KNEW i should have used my Arab or American Accent instead of the Irish One. Fuc*ing Bitc*cow from Hell on wheels i curse you. Luckily, just before i lost it completely and broke down in a blubbering mass of Skylineless jelly, i noticed someone had installed a bloke in a booth that Knew what the script was.. Wonderfull.. And he wasn`t a C*nt at ALL. No. He knew EXACTLY what had happend,and assured me there would be a train along in 30 minutes that would get me to Folkestone, without any messing whatsoever.. And he even gave me a nod when it pulled in - wonderfull! Faith restored, and HOW.. this train was COOL. Glossy, silent, super Luxary.. Robot Bitch telling you shit like where the hell you are, and what to expect next (if only...) And the Quality of Schoolgirl Getting on at regular intervals was definatly higher then the previous train full of Lying Basterds, Oh yes.. In fact they BLEW the last train right off the tracks.. Even the Old ladys were of a better class - reading thicker books that were less dog-eared.. Ah yes, this was the right move..
Upon Arrival in the right place, a quick jaunt to the secret location had me face2face with the motor.. Mmm.. Right.. Got out the tablecloth, put on the spuds and get ready.. Sure enough, it looked as promised, and sounded very happy, so i proceeded to ACTUALLY eat off the engine block, and was safely on my way up the A-somethingorother, hoping i didn`t have to do anything like Indicate or stop, as these were things i really couldn`t even start to work out how to do yet.. The phone was going a bit mad too - lot`s of "did you get it yet?" calls, as the texts had ceased as i was driving - and lots of me screaming "l8r" and hitting red as i really needed to concentrate on this very odd scene i was now a part of.. I wasn't in too much of a hurry, as i'd managed to leave by 7(ish), but this 3/4-lane messing is a bit much in the pissing rain, in a strange car, with no idea what is next.. I DID have the printout of the AA thingy, and it was telling me to take a certain exit and blah off the M25, so all i had to work out was how to read it without crashing - cos there certainly aint no stopping - oh no.. Of COASE i missed the exit - much to the glee of the Book back at base - where people were on the verge of a massive accumulator payout if i missed the boat - every messup so far had sent the odds of getting home as planned soaring, but this exit missing business was hyterical.. Luckily, i still had "phone-a-friend" and "ask the audience", so i do the Linkup with mission control, and ask for a re-route.. While the request is bieng dealt with, the calls are coming in thick and fast for people who's recreational finances are in thebalence - all either offering me advice, or tring to confuse me to ensure i get stranded.. too late - the real instructions get through on the Teleprinter in the boot (it is a skyline after all..) and while i`m having a shower after my swim in the pool, i examine them.. lovely.. I can cut back down and join the M4 and still be in with a chance of making the boat.. (cue:starsky and hutch music in my head, as the stereo is the standerd japanese one with no FM band, and all there is on AM is football, it HAD to be in my head..) So i pull onto the M4, and right alongside a bloke in a little Lotus, with his shirt and tie on.. Hmm.. He immediatly feels small and puny (cos he was) as decides to start bugging the guy in the massive Merc infront of him.. Why do people do that? I mean what is the point? It`s RAINIING you twat - everybody is ALREADY driving as fast as they possibly dare, so just fu*k off and grow up! Even if mr Merc DOES pull over and let you go ahead of him, there is someone else infront of him, and infront of him, and so on.. and like i said, tensions are high enough without this crap.. Luckily, his lotus was crap, and was easily enuffed.. He still had his Tie on FFS. (sigh) Anyway, Mr Merc was SOUND.. He knew exactly where to pick up pace, and where to calm down, and he led me all the way to Bristol! Savage! I had plenty of time to get relaxed, stop shaking, and all that nice stuff.. Got a round of Golf in on the HoloDeck ( i hate golf, but it`s a Japenese Import, so the Deck only Has Golf and Some strange game where you have to dance to make a girl take her clothes off, and the instructions were all in japanese..) and crossed that mad bridge and into deepest Wales, where the roadsigns make sense, and the people speak Welsh.. I learned all about the Welsh Word For "slow", as they like to paint it on their roads, and had a painless magic-carpet-on-rails ride to the Ferryport.. A nice touch was the brightly Coloured Police Van The Matrix Provided for us as a Pace-Car.. Doing a comfy 80 all the way, and real easy to see in the dark and rain.. And, i must add, the ONLY Police i saw on the entire trip! I Like those Odds! Now, one thing had been bugging me since I arrived in England that afternoon.. I hadn`t seen ANY decent cars at all, except in Folkestone of coarse.. All boring as hell, and then, as i was approaching the last town on the trail, i saw a Red Skyline Parked outside someone's gaff! Yay! Ah well.. So we all queue for the boat in rows, as you do, and eventually, stiff as a board, and feeling the night closing in on me, i am ushered into the tunnel so the Customs can put a stop to this nonsense once and for all! They already had a BMW with a skinny lad looking pissed off standing next to it, and a modified HotHatch waiting in the wings with 3 youngsters looking whitefaced inside it lined up for the Spanish Inquisition (nobody expects.. etc..), but i was definatly favorite for first go.. In fact, most of the officers present gathered around for what SURELY was going to be an entertaining search.. Lots of pretending they didn`t know what kind of car it was and so on, and when they popped the boot, they got a bit of a shock - NOTHING. Not a sausage. Empty Car. Just me. VERY iffey you will agree... Luckily, the Lads at Futurautos had given me some brightly coloured pieces of paper, that the nice customs man liked the look of, and he went off to photocopy them, while i filled in a "token gesture card thing to keep you occupied while we run your details through the big database of robbed cars and dodgy blokes with irish accents" card.. Lovely, i was off the hook.. I imagine the lads just Faxed the lot to The port authoritys in Wexford, as i was officially THEIR problem now.. Luckily, everyone in ireland was in bed, so i got the "no news is good news" clearence, and was let on the boat, now re-catagorised from "WTF" to "SEP"..
Onto the boat, and it smelled like dead fish in the cargo area.. Very messy.. And the Last car to be allowed on? the HotHatch.. 3 people in it, young & tired and freaked.. Apparently the Customs went RIGHT through them (they were from the UK) looking for ***** we samosa'd, since there's very little else 3 young people in a hot-hatch would be doing going to Ireland at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday presumeably.. So i guess i could have had it alot worse in fairness - i could have had half of a nucleur power station, and the entire Chorusline at Minsky's stashed in the Skyline to be fair.. I guess they felt lucky.. Poor kids though, they looked freaked out.. I managed to get into my Cabin (eventually - i swear i thought those other ones were mine..) in time to catch KERRY vs. SPACECADET 3 finishing on TV.. Result! Satellite TV on a bleeding Boat! GOT to get me one of these. So, i did the sleep on the rollorcoaster thing, and then made a mess in the bathroom with the amazing Random Showerhead, and it was time to unload, and time to discover the joys of The N11 first thing in the morning.. I have to say, AM Radio is very relaxing at that time of the morning.. lots of people waffling and stuff.. very nice.. very calming.. I managed not to fall asleep, and then not to crash as a result, and soon pulled up at the bratcave into the place the celica used to sit.. Right. Got away with it. Okay, well, not totally.. there were MAJOR complications with the insurance.. but nothing that a bit of reason couldn`t fix.. I Knew the quote i had got was too good to be true, and of coarse, when something is too good to be true, it is ALWAYS too good to be true.. So, All that is left to do is VRT it, Tax it and then drive it.. I won`t tell you the total cost, but it was cheaper then anyone i could find in ireland, and it was IMHO a cleaner car, AND i didn`t have to cross my fingers and hope some mystery machine arrived from Japan in driveable condition - this one had come from someone that had already been through it, and at least knew the measure of it.. Not that the importers here wouldn`t take care of you too, it`s just they didn`t have anything for me HERE, and i want nothing to do with something that may be a crock of shit.. I did think about going Private Sale on all this, but i couldn`t see myself test-co-piloting people here, and meeting some bloke somewhere in Europe.. nah, i needed dealers, they tend to value their reputations, and take pride in their work on occation, so there's more chance of getting a runner.. Anyway, if it`s a lemon, we can Spray it Yellow and drift it on weekends
==071004
http://www.mrspring.net/evolution.jpg
Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.
TX:17-09-2004
22.00-00.00
*dirty vegas / walking into the sun (EMI 12rdjx 6647) [reload]
*danzel / pump it up (data 75p2) www.datarecords.co.uk [lock]
*linus loves / night music (breastfed bfd011)
*flash brothers / amen (dogzilla mix) (direction xpr3775a)
*thomas schumacher / tainted schall (superstar b408850) www.superstar.ag
*tom neville / just fu*k (umm 0555panuk)
*electronic Battle weapon 7 (chemsdj20) [happy peak]
*scissor sisters / mary (polydor snip18) www.scissorsisters.com
*dj duro & the prophet / not e-nuff (scantraxx 014) www.scantraxx.com
*double concept / one day (overdose dmddose 128) www.overdose.de
*lab 2 / I miss you (green martian gm-2003-59)
*ampire / afterglow (overdose dmddose 127)
*monocore / kisses of fire (pulse 087)
*active sight / out of our lives (captivating sounds cvsa014)
*re:locate / typhoon (galactive galso 008)
*dj dick / weekend (low spirit 12yobrt17)
Stats: 1:2 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 2 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week
Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.
TX:24-09-2004
22.00-00.00
*electronic Battle weapon 7 (chemsdj20) [reload]
*depeche mode / enjoy the silence (mute pl12bong34)
*danzel / pump it up (data 75p2) www.datarecords.co.uk
*tom neville / just fu*k (umm 0555panuk)
*scissor sisters / mary (polydor snip18) www.scissorsisters.com
*airwave / last flight to ghia (bonzai btp-105-2005)
*dirty vegas / walking into the sun (EMI 12rdjx 6647)
*bossanova / stone cold (tatsumaki tats1705) www.purple-eye.com
*svenson / the devil's LSD (id&t 7007975) [happy peak]
*monocore / kisses of fire (pulse 087)
*warmduscher vs. DJ hellraiser / devil fish (tracid traxxx ttx2051) www.tracidtraxxx.de
*dj duro & the prophet / not e-nuff (scantraxx 014) www.scantraxx.com
*dj paro & blutonium boy / floorkilla (blutonium blu083 )
*bazztard / welcome to hell (fette basse fb006) www.musicmail.de
*armin vs. M.I.K.E. / intruder (armind armd1009)
*hardfloor / lost in the silver box (harthouse UKCD001)
Stats: 1:1 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 1 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week